So this is going to be a bit of an honest post that I
just need to write. It has obviously been quite a while since we started this
book club and after an initial excitement I have failed to get involved. Since
I am out of school and only have work to occupy my days, my only excuse is a
sinful laziness that I have been drowning in since summer started. I don’t know
if it is the lack of structure that I am used to during the school year or the
depression that sometimes seems to knock me down, but I have failed to read,
study, pray, worship, and fellowship for what seems to be an eternity. I read
the first chapter about 3 or more weeks ago but could never sit down and put
any words to the page. Partly because I just didn’t feel like thinking, and
partly because I didn’t feel like what I had to say about it would be anything
of great worth. I reread the first chapter a few days ago and realized how
different I felt reading it the second time. Not that I learned anything new,
but what I read resonated with me in a different way. The first chapter introduces
the thesis of the book, which is that evangelicalism stands or falls with
Calvinism. I feel like for our society this is a provocative statement. I
remember the first experience I had reading about Calvinism and how it almost
made me angry. I realize know it was picking a fight with heart, which was full
of pride. And this is why I feel like I need the doctrines of grace or Calvinism
because it is where my pride stands or falls. Letting my pride run rampant is a
continuous struggle and this doctrine stops it in its tracks. “For by grace you have been
saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the
gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast”. I know
this is nothing new, but is such a good reminder for me, even today when
writing this post. It also gives me a sense of hope because if I do not believe
that “all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all
things, and in him all things hold together” I might fall apart on the days my
thirsty soul pants for water and comes up dry. So today I am praising God for
opening my heart, mind, and spirit to these doctrines that bring me to greater worship
and love for my Him, and a peace that surpasses any understanding I could
possibly have. I’m also praying for a spirit led renewal in my heart for the
things of Christ that I so love and long for. I am excited to get back to
reading this book and discussing it with y’all!
<3 Natalie
